Stubbornness
Rigid refusal to change course, for better or worse.
Stubbornness is rigid refusal to change course, for better or worse. The jaw is set and the chest holds firm. New information, pressure, and argument do not move the position. It can serve as integrity or stand as obstacle.
Stubbornness can save you. Stubbornness can trap you.
Stubbornness is the refusal to change course. Applied to the right thing, it is persistence. Applied to the wrong thing, it is rigidity. The test is whether the thing being held is worth the cost of holding it. Your values. Your commitments to loved ones. These are worth stubbornness. A losing argument. An old strategy. A grudge. These are not. Audit your stubbornness. Where are you being persistent about something you would, on reflection, release? Release one thing today. The release is not weakness. It is wisdom. Being right about some things requires being willing to be wrong about others.
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself."
— George Bernard Shaw
Stubbornness has a distinctive body signature of dug-in resistance. The jaw is set, often visibly. The chest holds firm. The shoulders pull back slightly. The voice carries particular insistent quality. The body holds itself in a way that suggests immovability. There is no openness to receiving new input; the system has decided and is now defending the decision. Eye contact may become more direct or more avoidant depending on the specific pattern. The state can be sustained over long periods, sometimes across years for particular positions. Sustained stubbornness often produces predictable relationship effects, with others learning to work around rather than with you on issues where stubbornness operates.
Stubbornness has been studied within research on cognitive rigidity, reactance, and what some researchers call non-cognitive persistence. Brehm's reactance theory examined how perceived threats to freedom often produce stubborn resistance, sometimes against the person's own interest (Brehm, 1966). Research on the sunk cost fallacy has shown that humans often persist with positions and investments precisely because they have invested in them, regardless of current evidence about whether they should continue (Arkes & Blumer, 1985). Stubbornness can be partly heritable and partly state-dependent, varying with circumstances including how the position was initially adopted and what pressure is operating to change it.
Stubbornness arises through multiple conditions, with both trait and state contributions. Common patterns include:
Stubbornness can be worked with when recognised, though the work often involves the person being stubborn rather than those affected by it. The following help.
Distinguish position from underlying goal
Many positions are attempts to serve underlying goals. When stubbornness develops about a position, asking what the position was originally meant to serve often reveals that other approaches could serve the same goal. The flexibility is in the methods; the commitment is to what they were meant to accomplish.
Notice when reactance is operating
When someone is pushing you to change, the pressure itself can produce stubbornness independent of the actual merits. Recognising when you are responding to the pressure rather than to the underlying question often clarifies whether your position has merit. Sometimes you would change your position if it were not being pushed; in these cases, the stubbornness is operating against your own interest.
Check sunk cost dynamics
When you have invested significantly in something, ask whether you would commit to it now if you were starting from scratch. If not, the current commitment may be operating through sunk cost rather than through current merits. Many costly stubborn positions can be released when the sunk cost dynamic is recognised.
Address identity binds where present
When positions are bound up with identity, working with the identity bind directly often produces more change than working with the position. The work involves recognising that you can update positions while remaining yourself, that flexibility is compatible with identity rather than threatening to it. This is often therapeutic work when the patterns are sustained.
If stubbornness has produced significant life costs
Sustained stubbornness that has damaged relationships, career, or other important areas may warrant therapeutic attention beyond just trying to be less stubborn. Some patterns reflect specific personality features or developmental patterns that respond to professional support. The capacity for appropriate flexibility can be developed even when current patterns have been longstanding, though motivation for the work often requires recognising the actual costs of current patterns.
"Sunk cost fallacy research has shown that humans often persist with positions and investments precisely because they have invested in them, regardless of current evidence about whether they should continue."
— A summary of research on cognitive rigidity and sunk costs
What is stubbornness?
Stubbornness is rigid refusal to change course, for better or worse. The body has dug in. The position has been taken and the system resists moving from it regardless of new information, pressure, or argument. The jaw is set. The chest holds firm. There is a quality of having decided and not being willing to undecide, of treating the position itself as the point. Stubbornness specifically refers to refusal to change course that operates regardless of merit, often more committed to maintaining the position than to whatever the position was originally about. The position-protection quality is essential.
Where do people feel stubbornness in the body?
Stubbornness has a distinctive signature of dug-in resistance. The jaw is set, often visibly. The chest holds firm. The shoulders pull back slightly. The voice carries particular insistent quality. The body holds itself in a way that suggests immovability. There is no openness to receiving new input; the system has decided and is now defending the decision. Eye contact may become more direct or more avoidant depending on the specific pattern. The state can be sustained over long periods, sometimes across years for particular positions.
What's the difference between stubbornness and determination?
Determination is sustained effort toward goals, with willingness to adjust methods when needed to achieve the actual goal. Stubbornness involves rigid attachment to specific positions or methods regardless of whether they serve the underlying goals. A determined person changes course when the goal warrants it; a stubborn person maintains the course regardless. The distinction matters: determination supports good outcomes; stubbornness often undermines them. Determination is responsive to whether the methods are working; stubbornness is unresponsive to evidence about whether continuation serves the underlying purpose.
Why am I so stubborn?
Several factors can produce sustained stubbornness. Reactance against perceived pressure, as identified in Brehm's research, often produces stubborn resistance when someone is pushing you to change; the pushing itself can produce stubbornness that exceeds what the underlying merits would produce. Sunk cost protection means that significant past investment in a position increases attachment regardless of current evidence; this is why people often persist with bad decisions long after evidence has become clear. Identity protection can produce stubbornness when positions have become bound up with who you are, making changing them feel threatening to identity. Some sustained stubbornness reflects specific personality patterns or developmental features that may benefit from therapeutic attention. The pattern is often more workable when its specific source is identified.
How do you stop being so stubborn?
Several practices help with stubbornness patterns. Distinguishing position from underlying goal often reveals that other approaches could serve the same purpose, allowing flexibility about methods while maintaining commitment to what they serve. Noticing when reactance is operating, when you are responding to pressure rather than to the underlying question, often clarifies whether your position has merit independent of the pushing. Checking sunk cost dynamics by asking whether you would commit to something now if starting fresh often reveals positions maintained through past investment rather than current merits. Addressing identity binds where present, recognising that you can update positions while remaining yourself, often produces more change than working with positions directly. When stubbornness has produced significant life costs, professional support is appropriate; the capacity for appropriate flexibility can be developed even when patterns have been longstanding.
- Brehm, J. W. (1966). A Theory of Psychological Reactance. Academic Press.
- Arkes, H. R., & Blumer, C. (1985). The psychology of sunk cost. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 35(1), 124–140. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0749597885900494
Stubbornness sits in the mixed family because of its complex relationship with both positive and negative outcomes. It overlaps with obstinacy when more extreme, with rigidity when broader inflexibility is operating, with determination when goal-directed rather than position-protecting, with conviction when based on examined belief rather than position-defending, and with what reactance research has identified as a common response to pressure that can operate against the person's own interest.
See where stubbornness sits among the other 402 emotions.
Open Stubbornness on the wheel